Alfred

I met a man named Alfred about a month ago. At the time, I wasn't sure if I would ever see him again. Little did I know that pretty much everyone you meet in Botswana you will see again, especially if they live close to your village. When I first saw Alfred he was coming out of a clinic in a small village with a baby of about 13 months. I remember thinking that it was striking that there was a man bringing his child to the clinic (as often it is women that bring their babies), but I didn't think too much about it as I moved onto a Kgotla meeting in the village. Once I arrived to the Kgotla I noticed the same young man there, and now the baby was sleeping in a sling that was attached to him. It struck me again that this man was very close to his baby and the image was such an unusual sight for a Motswana that it made me stare for a bit. Apparently this didn't go unnoticed.

About an hour after the meeting Alfred approached me. As usual, I commented on the adorableness of the child and then exchanged some greetings with him. One of the first things Alfred asked me was whether I had heard about him. I was a bit thrown off by this comment but I quickly said, "no, nobody has told me about you…is there something I should know?" Alfred quickly said that there wasn't, but then he started to tell me a little bit about his life and his child and I quickly realized that there was a lot that I needed to know.

Alfred is a 27 year old man who has been HIV positive for about 7 years. His ex-girlfriend, the mother of his child is also HIV positive. They both lived at her parents home when she became pregnant…they lived in a small thatch hut, with no electricity, no running water, and, often, no food. While Alfred's girlfriend was pregnant he became very ill. By the time the baby was ready to be born his clothes would fall off because they were too big, and he could barely walk because he was so weak. One night, the girlfriend woke him to tell him that it was time for the baby. Some paraffin had been bought earlier, but it was all gone, so the baby was destined to be born in the dark. Barely able to walk, Alfred made his way to the clinic to ask for help. When he arrived back home he found that his girlfriend had already given birth, but instead of one baby there were two; there were twins. One of the babies was born alive and the other was not. It was at that point that Alfred's girlfriend told him that as soon as she was able to she was going to leave and that she didn't want anything to do with the baby or him. That same night her parents informed Alfred that as soon as he could walk, he needed to leave their compound taking his child with him. It was that night that Alfred, barely able to stand, took a shovel and buried his child that he had named Kagiso (peace) that had died at birth. It was that night that Alfred left with his living child, Kgotsoto (which also means peace), to raise him on his own.

Because of his desire to raise the baby and ensure that it would have at least one parent, Alfred started to get better. He made a decision that the baby would have a father and that he would raise his child on his own to make sure that he had a healthy childhood. From that day forward Alfred and his child are rarely apart.

This story stayed with me many weeks after I first met Alfred. I would often think of how easily he smiled and his casual way of telling me, "Now, life is too easy. My baby is happy and I am healthy…what more could I ask for?" The strength of these words from someone who had experienced such pain still amazes me to this day.

Alfred came back into my life about a week ago. I would like to think that in some way he and I were meant to find one another, and that we are both destined to make some change in the other's life. I met Alfred again when he came into Mochudi for a clinic visit. I recognized him right away and greeted him as an old friend. He did the same to me. It then occurred to me that I was holding a workshop that week for men in my district who are active in HIV/AIDS programs. The workshop was designed to educate men how to reach other men and talk to them about all sorts of sexuality issues and to encourage them to test for HIV. I decided at that time to invite Alfred to speak at this workshop, and to join the workshop as I felt as though he would really enjoy it and have a lot to contribute.

When Alfred first arrived to the workshop nobody knew who he was. He came in quietly, smiled at me to tell me he was there, and then sat down among the men. On the second day of the workshop there was a presentation on Prevention of Mother to Child Transmission (PMTCT) therapy. At the end of the presentation I had asked Alfred to stand and tell the men about his experience with PMTCT. Alfred presented. He presented not only his experience with PMTCT, but also his experience with raising a baby on his own, and how he came to raise that child on his own. By the end of Alfred's presentation many of the men were in tears. Alfred finished his presentation by making mention of the fact that the only thing that concerned him was that the rains are coming and his house would likely not survive the rains. The men listened to this; and, thankfully, they decided to take action.

By the end of the week they had collected over 400 pula in donations and bought numerous groceries to give to Alfred (one of the ways they raised the money was by charging people fines if they were late to the workshop or if their cell phone rang during the workshop…I think I was fined around 10 pula that week…you think I would figure out how to silence my phone). They also informed me that on Friday afternoon they wanted me to secure transport because they all wanted to go out to see where Alfred lived (about 70km away)so they could assess how to build him a new house.

I couldn't resist the chance to go along with them. There was a caravan of three trucks that made the trek; all of us in good spirits because of a successful workshop; and all of us eager to do what we could to help Alfred any way we could. For me, it was the second time to see the village where Alfred lives; it was the second time to hold his baby; and it was the second time to marvel at what an amazing man he has become. As I left Alfred's house that evening (filled with hope that the men will deliver on their promise to rebuild Alfred's house) I glanced back to wave at him and noticed a small sign with some decorations around it that Alfred had put up in the front of his yard. The sign read "God, we need your help". I gave a quick wave to Alfred as we drove on and I thought to myself: "Yes, God, we do need your help."